Bad Genes and Bad Choices
I look at the face of a man that used to be welcome in my home. He was in my home as a child and then welcomed back later as an adult. He is the son of an ex. I became involved with his father when he was young, about 7 and was with the father for a long time, 12 years. Today the son is 30 and I don’t recognize him. His face stares blankly back at me from the computer screen. He has dreadlocks, piercings, tattoos, a goatee, and his skin that used to be chocolate brown looks gray. There are dark circles under empty, hollow eyes.
The picture is in a paper because he violently shook his two month old baby daughter. This caused a retinal hemorrhage and brain bleed. The picture is from the probation department where he has been on probation for years because of drug charges. He had been in my house a few years ago and hurt my 13 year old daughter.
This man hurts people everywhere he goes. He spreads pain all over the country. His father is like that, also. When I think about this boy and I wonder: “How did he get to where he is now?” I can see it clearly: genetics, drugs, violence, the loss of his father at an early age, growing up in the inner city. I know his dad would blame everyone and everything but himself. I also have a son that is like his father and this man. What I see is that my son, my ex, and the other son are all like this: violent and uncaring of anyone but themselves. I see one main thread running through this picture that is in common with all three of these males: the GENETICS of my ex.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I don’t blame this baby being shaken on genetics. There is way too much at play for that. There is genetics and then there are life circumstances. And then much more importantly: there are CHOICES. He made the choice to shake his daughter. He made the choice to hurt my daughter. His father made the choice to mostly abandon him as a child. His father made the choice to basically abandon my children and his other daughter, also.
Anyone can be dealt a bad hand genetically and still turn out to be a decent person. Anyone can be dealt a terrible hand when it comes to where they are born, their father leaving them, being raised in the slums, being raised poor, even being beaten as a child. But still they can make the choice whether or not to shake their two month old child. Almost everyone would choose to not hurt a defenseless, helpless child. But there are those who are like my ex and his son who spread their sickness everywhere they go: they choose to hurt people. They make the choice to hurt others and then blame that choice on everyone and everything except themselves.
